It’s an improbable, inhospitable country marooned off south-east Asia and containing nearly all of the world’s deadliest animals. Yet Australia has marketed itself a sunny place for work-shy Larrikins who spend their days surfing, swimming or drinking. The reality is more complex, often funnier and sometimes darker. But just as you’re getting a handle on the place, it slips through your fingers – like a lofted ball on the boundary. Here’s what visitors need to know.
1. One people, one flag
No regional accents, no north-south divide, no civil war. To the outsider Australia seems totally homogeneous. One bronzed nation living under the Southern Cross.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Australia is a vast island continent inhabited by just 27 million people, the majority living in only three cities: Sydney, Brisbane and Melbourne. Inter-state rivalries are intense and deep seated. Just ask a New South Welshman what he thinks of “banana benders” (Queenslanders). And then there’s a First Nations culture that dates back thousands of years before the arrival of the Europeans, and whose attempts to secure recognition were rejected in a 2023 referendum.
2. A classless society?
Australia is an egalitarian society where everyone gets a fair go and forelock tugging is unknown. The Land of the Long Weekend (see below) may have escaped the petty snobbery of its British forbears, but the class divide (based on postcode, education and income) is real. Anyone expecting a workers’ utopia will be disappointed. According to the OECD, 1 per cent of the Australian population owns 24 per cent of the nation’s wealth meaning inequality in Australia is at a 20-year high.
3. The mighty thong
Don’t call them flip-flops: everyone wears the mighty thong Down Under – Traceydee Photography
Forget addiction to Vegemite (a pale imitation of Marmite), nothing defines a true blue Aussie than his or her love of the thong, a casual form of plastic footwear worn by prime ministers, university professors and brickies alike. Paired with board shorts and singlets, thongs (what Britons know as flip-flops) are the national costume of Australia – as precious to the Aussie as lederhosen is to a Bavarian.
4. Pom-baiting: a national sport
Apart from cricket, pom-bashing (or baiting) is Australia’s oldest sporting tradition. Apparently derived from the term Prisoner of His Majesty, pom is a curious term of abuse in a country that began life as a convict settlement. Aussies may tell you that it’s a term of affection, but that it is rarely the case. A typical pom is pale-skinned, weak and ineffective. Everything hated Down Under.
5. Bogans, a unique breed
Australia supports many curious species of wildlife, but none odder than the Bogan, the nickname given to what are considered to be semi-literate suburban dwellers distinguished by a lack of fashion sense, abundant tattoos and inelegant hairstyles. Bogans communicate in a series of grunts and usually work, so the stereotype goes, as garbos (dustmen), butchers or tyre-fitters.
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6. Talking ‘strine’
Lantern-jawed Aussie shearers dispensing bush wisdom are the stuff of Hollywood movies. Strine, the robust Aussie vernacular popularized by the likes of Paul Hogan, has been in retreat for many years. Phrases such as “no worries” and “good onya” are still widely used but it’s rare to hear the traditional Aussie greeting: “How are you, you old b——?” Just say “G’day” and you’ll be apples.
7. Ned Kelly, Eureka and the Anzacs
Do not question: Australian bushranger Ned Kelly is a national hero – Hulton
As visitors soon discover, Australians don’t take many things seriously. Politicians, intellectuals, bosses, writers and foreigners with fancy accents are all categorised as “w—–s” and zealously mocked. Australians have a healthy cynicism about their own country. But there are three great Aussie myths that must not be questioned. Firstly Ned Kelly, the 19th-century convict who became a folk hero, and still the regular subject of films and musicals. Secondly, The Eureka Rebellion, when gold miners revolted against the Brits in Victoria 1854. And finally, the Anzacs: the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps, who served with distinction during the First World War, notably at Gallipoli.
8. Should I dress for dinner?
This is one question that no Australian male is likely to utter in his lifetime. Australia, once a buttoned-up colonial society, has embraced informality with gusto. Getting Aussies (especially blokes) to dress formally is an impossible task. Ill-fitting shorts are the preferred garb of the Aussie male and equally at home at the opera house, restaurant or nightclub – team them with this season’s flip flops.
9. The Outback
‘Sunburnt country’: Uluru is the essence of The Outback – Getty
“I love a sunburnt country,” wrote the poet Dorothea Mackellar in 1908. “A land of sweeping plains… of droughts and flooding rains.” Mackellar was writing long before global warming and cheap flights to Bali. Australians may get dewy-eyed about The Outback but few want to spend much time there – unless they are taking a camel ride around Uluru or having a flutter at the Birdsville Races. The Outback, however forbidding, remains the essence of Australia.
10. Alright, mate?
Bob Hawke, prime minister of Australia 1983-1991, said if you forget someone’s name in Australia just call them “mate” – a term that applies to both men and women. Used in a friendly tone it can help seal a deal, while a more staccato version conveys annoyance or frustration. “But you said $75! Come on mate,” you might say to a salesman. In Australia, everyone is your mate. Potentially.
11. Welcome to Country
Most civic events, sports matches, business conferences and Qantas flights in Australia begin with something called a “Welcome to Country”. These short ceremonies pay respect to the “Traditional Owners” of the land where the event is being staged. These rather mournful rituals polarise opinion. Critics call it wokeism gone mad. Others say they merely want to acknowledge the suffering of Australia’s First Nations peoples. You decide.
12. Fancy a Foster’s?
The amber fluid reigns supreme – Alamy
Despite Australia’s growing thirst for small-batch wines and artisan spirits, the amber fluid reigns supreme. British beer drinkers will be delighted to find most of their favourite beer brands on tap Down Under, with the glaring exception of Foster’s Lager, which is rarely available.
13. With conviction
Having a convict in the family tree was once a serious social handicap, but not today when Aussies boast about having a criminal ancestor on the First Fleet. It is estimated that 20 per cent of the Australian population is directly descended from a convict. Many more falsely claim such ancestry.
14. Looks like rain
England and Australia will never see eye-to-eye about the weather. It’s a cultural chasm that cannot be bridged. In the UK a single leaf can paralyse an entire rail network, but Aussies don’t pay much attention to the weather until large swathes of the country are on fire or inundated by floodwater.
15. No queuing, we’re Australian
Many institutions and cultural practices survived the long sea voyage to Australia. Queuing is not one of them. Visiting Britons will be driven bonkers by queueing etiquette Down Under. I’ve seen impatient commuters push aside women with prams. Grim-faced passengers rush train compartments before they should. The only proper queues you’ll see in Australia are at the local Apple store.
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16. America The Brave
Australians are surprisingly loyal to the United States – the only nation capable of defending Australia from foreign attack. After the Second World War, Canberra pivoted quickly from Britain to America and never looked back. Today Australia is a key regional partner for the US, with American troops in Darwin and a vital satellite communication base at Pine Gap. America is widely admired and emulated.
17. Crocs, sharks and spiders
There’s a story about a couple of German backpackers who survived the 2002 Bali bombing only to be eaten by a crocodile in Kakadu. Aussies love telling foreigners about their sadistic wildlife. “Redback spiders hung from the ceiling in clusters like Christmas decorations,” a Kimberley local told me. This is a land teeming with venomous spiders, snakes and frogs, including the lethal Corroboree frog the size of a paperclip.
18. Land of the Long Weekend
This is a country that values leisure and health above material success. Aussies worry about their jobs, mortgages and power bills just like everyone else, but still find time to squeeze in a dip in the sea after work.
19. AFL is pointless
Aussie Rules: Ten referees and ‘ninety minutes of knock-ons’ – James Wiltshire/AFL Photos
Anyone who has been in Melbourne for an AFL Grand Final will know that Australian Rules is a national religion. Those not brought up in the faith will struggle to understand what is happening on the field. “Ninety minutes of knock-ons,” is what an Irish friend calls Aussie Rules. Each team deploys 18 players. Then there are 10 referees, including four on the park. Rules, what rules?
20. The pie fights back
Australia is a culinary wonder, drawing on the vibrant food traditions of Europe, South America, the Middle East and Asia. Australia has abandoned many British food favourites, but the humble meat pie remains as popular as ever. Local variations include emu, crocodile, kangaroo and camel. Top your pie with a dollop of tomato ketchup or, if you’re in Adelaide, serve it in bowl of pea soup.
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