How Postpartum Happiness Can Change Your Experience as a New Mom—and Why Finding Joy After Birth Matters

Key Takeaways

• Postpartum can be a mix of emotions, and it’s OK to feel both joy and exhaustion at the same time.

• Protecting your postpartum period by slowing down, accepting help, and following your instincts can support your mental health.

• Every postpartum experience is unique, and there’s no right or wrong way to feel during this time.

Kimberly Spair has experienced the postpartum period four times—and she says each time it was completely different. After her first baby, Spair says postpartum was hard.

“I was depleted, overwhelmed, and struggled much more emotionally,” she says. “But my experiences after my later births, and especially after my fourth baby, were remarkably different. I had so many moments where I remember thinking, ‘I am genuinely so happy.'”

Alongside Postpartum Blues, Happiness Exists, Too

That didn’t mean she wasn’t tired, though. Spair was nursing around the clock, recovering physically, caring for four children, and navigating all the normal intensity of having a newborn. But tired and happy can exist at the same time, she says.

“With my fourth, I really protected postpartum,” says Spair. “I slowed down. I nourished myself. I accepted help. I spent an enormous amount of time simply nursing, holding my baby, resting with her, and letting myself enjoy her rather than feeling pressure to immediately return to normal life.”

She says she also had the perspective that comes from knowing how quickly this season passes—and she didn’t feel guilty for being happy. “I think we have done important work normalizing postpartum depression, anxiety, overwhelm, and the reality that bonding isn’t instantaneous for every mother. We absolutely need those conversations.”

But Spair says she also believes women deserve to hear that postpartum can be beautiful. “You can feel peaceful. You can feel deeply bonded. You can look at your baby in the middle of an exhausting night and feel an almost indescribable amount of joy.”

Why Recognizing Postpartum Happiness Is Important

Some mental health professionals say talking about postpartum happiness alongside postpartum depression and anxiety is an important part of normalizing the fact that this period in life can be filled with many emotions—including those that might seem conflicted. This means you can feel happy, exhausted, and frustrated, all at the same time.

“Women often mistakenly believe they should feel ‘one type of way’…and when emotions are coexisting and conflicting, it may leave women feeling confused about their experience, questioning if they are doing something wrong,” says Alexandra McNulty, LCSW-C, PMH-C, a perinatal mental health certified therapist with McNulty Wellness Collective. “Acknowledging the multitudes of the experience can allow all women with all emotions to feel seen during this period, which is an invaluable protective factor.”

What Does Postpartum Happiness Realistically Look Like?

Postpartum happiness is going to look different for everyone, which means it might not always feel like exuberant joy or the kind of happiness that gives you energy or endless optimism. “There will of course be moments of that,” says McNulty. “However, there is more of a sense of eudaimonic happiness [or a deep sense of life satisfaction].”

She says this type of happiness is more of a quiet fulfillment rather than a celebration and notes that you might even have this feeling despite being in the midst of a hard moment. “Highlighting this kind of postpartum happiness can de-emphasize the pressure moms feel to ‘enjoy every second’ but instead, to find fulfillment even in the hard [parts].”

To Kelly Ling, who launched Stork & Spark in 2024, postpartum happiness looks like exploring new parts of your identity that aren’t necessarily tied to being a mom or your past self, but rather honoring the fact that you have changed and exploring what that means for you. “There are so many rules and processes and best practices out there that, at the end of the day, often make moms feel like they aren’t doing it right.”

She says giving herself permission to lean into her instincts about what felt right versus what society was telling her to do led to her own postpartum happiness and more confidence.

Some Moments of Joy a Mom Might Experience

According to McNulty, moments of joy can include baby milestones such as their first smile, bonding experiences, and grasping hands. “It’s also important to highlight ‘mom’ highlights such as that first walk around the block, first outing alone, and first time getting the swaddle right on the first try.”

At a time when there is so much emphasis on baby’s growth, McNulty says new moms can also benefit from highlighting the growth they experience too, like your time, patience, and energy levels stretched in ways you might never have imagined, and rising to the occasion.

For Jennifer Sodini, postpartum happiness arrived pretty soon after she gave birth to her daughter. “I recall being in the hospital and asking my doctor if I was given any medication, because I was so happy it felt like I was tripping on drugs or something. But he said that was a normal reaction to the oxytocin, bonding with my new child.”

Sodini says those waves of happiness continued, ongoing, every day, and week that passed with her daughter. “I have known happiness, I have known joy, and I have known various gradients of love, but I have never known such a pure, fulfilling and wonderful love that I have felt with my child. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, and wondering when I would start to experience existential dread or the bubble would burst and the postpartum depression would hit, but it never did.”

How Can Parents Boost Happiness Postpartum?

On an individual level, the most protective factor during this period is social support, says McNulty. “Social support can allow moms to feel seen and understood, which is crucial during a period where emotions are high and confidence can feel shaky. When going through something new or challenging, it’s unbelievably helpful to hear someone say ‘I totally know what you mean.”’

The impact of having less social support was particularly evident for Sodini, who says that while the majority of her days were happy, she experienced sadness too. But she says it had nothing to do with her baby.

“I gave birth in Mexico, where my husband is from—before he had his green card—and it was very isolating and hard to not be in community with my friends and peers,” says Sodini. “My connection to my daughter actually was my saving grace during this time period while we waited it out before making the move back to LA.”

Don’t Feel Pressured to Experience Postpartum in a Particular Way

Regardless of how you feel during your postpartum period, you shouldn’t feel pressured to feel a certain way, says McNulty—whether you’re happy or sad most of the time, or some mix of both. “I wish people could understand that the comparison game is rigged. Comparing your experience to that of another isn’t useful or a valid measure of anything.”

She says there are so many factors that affect the postpartum experience like social factors, the presence of extended family, your partner’s employment leave and flexibility, your baby’s temperament, and more. It’s important to understand that while it’s wonderful to experience happiness, postpartum mental health struggles are also incredibly common. And, seeking support from a professional is always going to be a good return on investment, she says.

If you’re experiencing signs of postpartum depression like mood changes, fatigue, and severe insomnia, contact your OB-GYN or another health care provider for an evaluation. You can also reach out to Postpartum Support International (PSI) by texting “HELP” to 800-944-4773 or use the Postpartum Support International Directory to find peer support and specialized providers.

Read the original article on Parents