Within the settlement, the 32-year-old civil servant working in Ho Chi Minh Metropolis outlined some main phrases, together with having kids, monetary obligations, inheritance rights, the duty to care for folks and youngsters in emergencies, in addition to dividing housekeeping and duties to assist one another throughout troublesome occasions.
By way of funds, she listed gadgets that should be shared, corresponding to every day residing bills, debt funds, caring for folks (if essential), insurance coverage, funding, private growth, and journey. Thuy Vi, whereas itemizing her circumstances, wished to put 80% of her and her future husband’s revenue into a typical fund to cowl all of the aforementioned bills. The housekeeping would even be shared between the 2.
Thuy Vi believed it could even be essential to agree on the variety of kids to have and, within the occasion of infertility, whether or not to undertake or not.
Moreover, in keeping with the settlement, she and her future husband would additionally disclose all their plans, together with monetary plans, investments, financial savings, and any short- or long-term targets. If one in every of them sadly died, the opposite wouldn’t intrude with belongings acquired previous to their marriage. All of their remaining belongings could be divided in accordance with the regulation. Her dad and mom would obtain further help as a result of they didn’t have a pension.
Not solely that, Thuy Vi’s “prenuptial settlement” included seemingly minor particulars like not arguing in entrance of others, particularly their kids. Throughout arguments, they need to not change how they deal with one another. If one had been to lift their voice, the opposite ought to maintain again and look forward to them to relax earlier than persevering with their dialog.
In 2021, Thuy Vi started relationship Anh Huy, who was a 12 months her senior and labored within the banking business. He met the entire standards she had set. When discussing getting married, she introduced the prenuptial settlement into the dialogue. “After a dialog we finalized the phrases,” she stated.
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Thuy Vi and her husband Anh Huy on a visit to Phu Quoc, 2021. Picture courtesy of Vi Vi |
In 2019, My Linh (residing in Lam Dong) spent a day negotiating a “prenuptial settlement” earlier than shifting in with an American man named William.
She requested her husband if they might reside together with his dad and mom, and in that case, what guidelines would must be established. Once they moved to America, he could be the one to supply monetary help if she hadn’t discovered work but, and in that case, who could be accountable for spending?
“We additionally agreed upfront that I’d keep at dwelling and be a housewife whereas he went to work, so he was not allowed to complain about it,” My Linh went on to say.
William agreed to reside together with his spouse and “pay” her to do the housekeeping. My Linh would then be capable of ship the cash to her household or spend it nonetheless she needed. When spending a big sum, the couple would want to debate the matter with one another earlier than coming to an settlement.
They agreed to reside collectively for 2 years earlier than deciding to have kids in order that they may higher perceive one another. “I’d not transfer to America till we’d reached an settlement. It helped us really feel safe and perceive our duties and obligations in our marriage,” she defined.
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My Linh at a restaurant within the U.S., March 2022. Picture courtesy of Linda |
There aren’t any complete statistics overlaying such points, however Nguyen Thi Tam, a Ho Chi Minh Metropolis skilled with practically 20 years of expertise in marriage and household planning, believes that signing agreements, together with “prenuptial agreements,” is changing into extra widespread amongst Vietnamese youth because of the affect of Western life.
In accordance with a 2022 Harris Ballot, 15% of American adults have signed a prenuptial settlement, a rise of 12% since 2010. 35% of people who find themselves not married say they plan to rearrange for an settlement sooner or later.
“As we speak, younger individuals marry late, leading to a considerable amount of non-public property [having been already accumulated on both sides]. Some individuals who remarry or marry foreigners need the whole lot to be clear from the beginning,” Tam stated, including that this helps {couples} corresponding to Thuy Vi and her husband obtain equity in marriage by discussing not solely property rights but in addition different points related to the connection.
Some 54% of practically 700 readers polled by VnExpress agreed {that a} prenuptial settlement is critical to determine guidelines and make clear duties, rights, and obligations to realize marital equality.
Dr. Tran Tuyet Anh, Director of the Household Division on the Ministry of Tradition, Sports activities, and Tourism, praised {couples} who’re ready for marriage in the best way that Thuy Vi and My Linh had been. The Household Division continues to be implementing a Vietnamese household growth technique, with one in every of two duties being to create a public service mannequin that teaches women and men construct a cheerful household earlier than their marriages.
In accordance with Dr. Anh, younger individuals at this time are extra cautious and educated about marriage, however many are nonetheless unprepared. Household-building points might be delicate and troublesome to debate, and fogeys might not know talk about such issues with their kids. Faculties and academic establishments have additionally been unable to orient pupils on this path, leaving it as much as households.
“On account of lack of preparation, typically {couples} simply get married one 12 months and get divorced the following,” stated Dr. Anh.
Dr. Tuyet Anh’s viewpoint was bolstered by a courtroom report, which acknowledged that Vietnam has 600,000 divorce instances per 12 months on common, of which 70% contain younger households aged 18 to 30, and 60% divorced after 1 to five years of residing collectively. In accordance with knowledge from the Institute of Household and Gender Analysis, way of life conflicts are the main explanation for marital disaster, accounting for practically 28%.
Previous to her present happiness, Thuy Vi had a wedding that ended after three years as a consequence of a scarcity of preparation. She acknowledged that in her earlier marriage, she was solely liable for residing bills, whereas her husband spent cash on investments. He went out consuming from the morning till late at night time, whereas Thuy Vi went to work and waited for her husband to return dwelling. The 2 traveled a whole bunch of kilometers on the highway however solely communicated a handful of occasions.
“We did not perceive one another and did not set marital rules from the start, so we had been confused about marriage, resulting in the breakup,” she stated. Thuy Vi’s ache and friction on this relationship helped her understand the significance of building a prenuptial settlement from the beginning.
Nonetheless, psychologist Nguyen Thi Tam acknowledged {that a} prenuptial settlement carries dangers as a result of when an individual falls in love, they’ll simply settle for all of their accomplice’s provided phrases – nonetheless, upon residing collectively, they could violate the settlement as a result of they not respect their accomplice.
If the principles of the wedding are a part of only a easy settlement with no signed authorized doc, this can be very troublesome to manage, Tam stated.
“Subsequently, earlier than beginning a romantic relationship, it is essential to completely perceive each facet of the opposite particular person to ensure they respect the settlement,” Tam suggested.
Thuy Vi and My Linh each did precisely that.
Thuy Vi outlined a listing of standards for her “Mr. Proper” earlier than relationship, which included look, character, well being, geographical location, worldview, intercourse, surrounding relationships, and the way he behaves together with his lover.
She additionally admitted that, regardless of cautious planning, there are nonetheless unpredictable occasions in marriage that trigger disagreements.
To take care of her happiness, My Linh selected to replicate on her marriage yearly, whereas Thuy Vi has saved the phrases of their settlement updated.
“Many individuals say getting married is like playing, however playing is a recreation of likelihood. In the event you suppose selecting a husband is solely primarily based on luck, it is since you’re not educated sufficient,” Thuy Vi shared.