Parents can use short car rides to strengthen communication with their kids, build trust and check in on their well-being.
Driving your child to sports and other activities can be much more meaningful than a simple trip between points A and B.
Parents can use those short trips to deepen their relationships with their children and check in on their well-being.
“The car is a really powerful tool to help with connection,” said Dr. Asha Patton-Smith, a board-certified child, adolescent and adult psychiatrist with Kaiser Permanente in Falls Church, Virginia.
One reason, she said, is the seating arrangement. The driver and the child are usually not facing each other.
“Sometimes conversations are easier, especially for kids, if you are not looking at the person,” Patton-Smith said. “It allows them sometimes to be more open or less anxious about whatever the topic may be.”
Another reason that car rides can lead to good talks is that they last a finite amount of time, and while you’re heading down the road, you’re stuck with each other.
Patton-Smith suggests designating at least part of each car ride with your kid as screen-free, catch-up time. During that time, set an example by putting away your phone, turning off the radio and doing away with any other distractions.
“It’s helpful to introduce the idea with a time limit,” Patton-Smith said. “So if the drive is going to be 20 minutes, maybe start with five or 10 minutes of screen-free, ‘Let’s just talk (time).’”
Ask simple, open-ended questions, Patton-Smith said, such as, “How was your day?”
If your child answers with, “Fine,” she said the next step would be to pivot to questions like, “What was the best part of your day?” “What was the worst?” or “What’s something you would do differently?”
How the parent responds to the answers to those questions matters, too.
“It’s important to listen carefully without interrupting or immediately becoming solution-oriented,” Patton-Smith said.
Also, be authentic. Don’t respond with something that sounds rehearsed, rushed or hollow.
If your child says they don’t want to talk during the ride, Patton-Smith suggests sitting for a while in silence, then circling back with a question like, “‘Hey, you didn’t want to talk. I just want to check in and make sure everything’s OK.’ And maybe you can get some more information.”
Watch and listen for signs that your child may be dealing with stress or anxiety. Tipoffs, she said, include a significant change in your child’s behavior or falling grades.
Keep doing this consistently over multiple car rides, and your short-trip conversations with your child should evolve.
And after a while, Patton-Smith said, you may be able to delve into topics that are more serious and less comfortable to talk about.
“Those small steps can really have kids feel safe, and most importantly feel heard,” she said.
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